Because Shannon Thinks I Won’t
This person does not think I am going to update my blog today, and that is basically the only reason why I am.
All the other things I was supposed to do tonight, such as buy one scrap of food to feed my tiny family were pushed aside by the surprising arrival of my friend who is visiting from San Francisco, but since I just don’t want to hear it, here I am.
Now, allegedly, Shannon and I are assigning each other daily blog topics. My assigned topic for today was “People Who Use A Cell Phone On the Beach.” Shannon’s was, “Dressing Your Children in Matching Outfits.” I am confident she won’t do it. Since I would never let down my imaginary readers, though, I showed up.
Now, without further ado: “People Who Use A Cell Phone On the Beach”
As soon as Shannon and I plopped our stuff down on the beach yesterday, we immediately turned to each other with identical, “of course this is happening to us,” looks on our faces. I have an innate ability to seat myself next to the people that I least want to sit next to in any situation. Once, at jury duty, where you cannot switch your seat once you choose it, I somehow managed to get myself lassoed to the craziest racist of a wackadoo that I have ever come across who spent the whole day explaining to me that she just thought “they” should all be allowed to kill each other and she would not even give on god damn, thank you so very much for even freaking asking her, thank you.
I don’t know why I was even surprised then, when yesterday we plopped ourselves, and two of the nosiest nieces I’ve got, down right in front of the one lady on the beach who was recovering from an exceedingly disappointing iced-tea-and-funnel-cake experience. It involved a very poorly advertised NOT FRESHLY BREWED tea that may or may not have been prepared by someone with dirty hands, and a pre-prepared funnel cake that she apparently did not get to watch being prepared. Although why she is sad about that sort of escapes me since watching a funnel cake being made is similar to watching your intestines get fried…or so I hear.
The problem yesterday though, was not that we were in front of that lady. I love listening to those people. The problem there was that Niece 1 and Niece 4 are not exactly subtle in their attempts to eavesdrop, as evidenced by N1’s constant refrain of, “WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!???” So, this put a damper on my attempts to eavesdrop, since with my constant good example setting, I kept having to tell them to turn around, stop staring, mind their own business, etc., etc., to the point where I think I missed most of the good stuff.
I was never so sad as when that lady packed up her chair and left, though, because all that left me with was the family in front of us that was so irritating that I wanted to shove pencils in each of their ears.
So, this entry sucks, but I’m exhausted and I’ll rewrite it tomorrow or something, but I just wanted to say one thing to my sister and that is: HA! I did it!


