Chasing Happy

So, I haven’t been honest with you.

There is something going on with me.

Something, really, going on in my marriage.

The real reason I haven’t been working out, or thinking about healthy meals, or cleaning my house, or shaving my legs, or spending time here with you all is something I haven’t had the strength to talk about until now, largely because I am ashamed of what you’ll think of me.

Just, promise we can still be friends, ok?

(deep breath)

Addiction has struck our marriage.

D’oh and I both, for the last sixteen days have been habitual users of this:

It started out innocently enough. It was Valentine’s Day and I had no gift for D’oh. I was at Target, it was getting late and I was out of ideas.

“A game,” I thought, “A harmless game. Valentine’s Day is such a sham holiday anyway, what’ll it matter if I get him something this dork-o?”

Oh Internet, if I had only known then what I know now.

It’s true what they say, just one taste and you’re hooked. You can’t leave it alone. You think about it day and night and night and day. Once you start playing you think, “yeah, this is alright.”

But then.

Then, Internet, you find a red brick, or a minikit, or you unlock a new character or a new door or you kill a new droid, or you finally FINALLY kill Darth Maul (and then you get to be him…AND IT IS AWESOME!!! HE KILLS EVERYONE!!!) and next thing you know it’s four hours later, the DS is out of power and you are weeping like a baby in the corner because except for opening little doors, Young Anakin is pretty useless as a character. (Seriously! He does not even HAVE A WEAPON….LOSER!!!)

I thought I would be at a disadvantage in the game because I haven’t seen the new movies that are supposed to take place before the old ones (when I confessed this fact to D’oh I literally saw him reconsider our whole relationship right then and there) but the fact that I am so ridiculously awesome at this game has negated all those concerns.

It is all we talk about. When we are lying in bed (or sitting on the couch),driving to work (or to church or the grocery store or ANYWHERE), or eating dinner (or breakfast or lunch or snack or dessert), we talk about Star Wars. Comparing which one of us has found which item, which character can do which task, who has a higher completion percentage (D’oh, but NOT FOR LONG!!!!!!), where we think certain items/characters might be hidden. It has taken over our lives.

And I would tell you more about this Internet, I swear I would. But I just realized D’oh is distracted, and if I move very quietly, I can snag the DS without alerting him to my plan.

It’s been nice knowing you.